Have you ever been on the verge of a serious mental breakdown? Well I am well on my way! I guess while I am freaking out I should share why I am so stupefied and horrified at this very moment! The story starts a long time ago..... let go back 11 years to Girls Camp.... I HATED girls camp! not for the typical reasons, I loved to hike and camp and play outside, however at the time I could have cared less about become spiritually fit and combining spirituality and outdoors was a complete conundrum for me. Hiking+Outdoors=LOVE! Spiritual+Crafts=HATE!
As I have grown up I found my way back to Jesus, at least that is what I tell people when they ask why I don't drink, Well because I found Jesus! People don't ask again after you throw Jesus in there. Any who about a year ago I was talking to a lady in our ward and she asked me if I would be interested in being a nurse at girls camp. I told her that I would love to help and I let her know that I wasn't yet a nurse but I have had quite a lot of experience in the health care field. I left it at the and honestly thought very little about our chat.
About 6 weeks ago Steven got a call from somebody in the stake that we had never heard of and asked if we could meet with him... okay that's strange we thought but we had him over, mostly because I thought Steven was getting a new calling.... Boy was I wrong! Well karma is a well you know what and he called me to be on the stake committee for girls camp. At the time I was super excited! While I am still excited I am terribly nervous! In fact I'm so depressed that all I want is to camp out in my bed and read bad science fiction romances until my eyelids bleed..... okay maybe I am completely over exaggerating, but Seriously! The Shining light in the tunnels is that I am assigned to being the Hike Specialist in the Stake.
Tonight the Sweet and Totally Awesome Lady that is in charge of this whole undertaking came to my home and explained what my assignment was. After she was all said and done I was feeling pretty good, I could handle this, until she mentioned how awesome last years hike specialist was. This woman is nothing short of amazing, she had each parent write a letter to their daughters and she gave them out to them on the various hikes. Our stake had around 200 girls! Holy Crap! Hearing this I took a hard hit on my self esteem. I am not freaking amazing like the last girl! What can these girls learn from me? I am just a misfit! Seriously! I only went to two girls camps and that because my mom forced me the second year.... I look at my life and wonder what the heck the lord is thinking!?!
I am even more restless about this because some of the awesome boys that we used to teach have chosen a rough path and I can't help but feeling personally responsible. I realize that they have their own agency and I expressed that they needed to exercise their free agency and make their own choices. But when that they found out that I didn't lead the "ideal" life style before coming back to the church they shared with me all of the current choices that they were making in their lives at the time. I listened to them and told them while I didn't support what they were doing that I loved them and Steven and I would always be there for them. To this day when we hear from them I am competely elated, I however feel a heartbreaking pain when I hear what some of them are up too. I don't judge them at all! I love those boys! But I do however judge myself for not being what they needed me to be. My fear is that I will not be what I need to be for these girls....
As I sit here I need your help! I need ideas about how to help these girls! I want them to have a great girls camp, but I feel like I am completely and 100% under qualified!
Sorry my post is super depressing! I just had to vent and hoped creativity would follow, so far no luck!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
HelloGoodBye
1. What did you do in 2009 that you have never done before?
I learned to cook more than just insta-pasta. I actually have become very fond of cooking. This is all thanks to Jenny, she was patient with me and my phobia of cooking. I also have started to bargain shop (also thanks to Jenny.) Now if any of my family is reading this sit down. I have also started to craft, without being forced too, and enjoy meandering though craft stores. I still laugh at some of the crafts because I find them completely ridiculous, I am a work in progress.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions and will you make more for 2010? I don’t make resolutions, I have never seen the point. If I want to change something in my life I will change it no matter when the date is.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?My Sister in Law Jill had her 5th baby boy this year. Two of my neighbors have had baby boys this year. And My Sister in Law Lisa is also having a Baby Boy in May.
4. Did anyone close to die in 2009? My Friend Joe…
5. What countries did you visit this year?
Sadly none. Hopefully in the years to come Steven and I will become avid world traveler’s.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
I really really really want to get into nursing school.
7. What day will be etched in your memory and why?
Christmas this year, Jared, Chris, Steven and I went sledding down my parent’s back yard at 1:30 in the morning. It was awesome! Jared built a louse, he built a ramp at the top he put a turn in it and also spent many hours icing it to perfection. We accidentally woke my dad up because we were being too loud. And on Christmas night we had a relay going down it, consisting of Mike, Jon, Jared, Chris, Steven, Jaron (my sweet eight year old nephew) and myself. It was a riot.
8. What was your biggest struggle this year?
This may sound super lame, but not being able to spend a lot of time with Steven. This last semester I work 3p-1130p Mon-Thur. and Steven works 8a-6p Mon-Fri and every other Sat. 8-12. It seriously felt like we never ever saw each other. Oh and you can’t forget my stealer immune system. I was sick a lot this year, may I have better luck this year.
9. What was your biggest achievement this year?
Learning how to Cook.
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009?
I have had bronchitis three or four times, tonsillitis three times, multiple sinus infections, ovarian cysts galore, oral surgery to remove a nasty abscess. Acute pneumonia. I am pretty sure I contracted H1N1, but never got tested because I didn’t want to have to take a week off work. Honestly I know that isn’t it, but I can’t remember…
11. What was the best thing you bought this year?
The Subaru, I LOVE MY CAR!!!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?My niece Kenzy, she is a lot like me, she looks like me, she talks like me, and she acts like me, but I am happy to report that she isn’t following the same road I took while I was her age. I have worried for years that she would face many of my same demons, but luckily she is smarter than I was and is making better choices than I made.
13. Whose behavior disappointed you?
Myself, I have a lot of imperfections that I am attempting to work on.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Our Mortgage, Tools, and the Car.
15. What did you get really excited about this year?
Going hiking with Steven during the summer. Going to my Parents for Christmas and getting to see all of my siblings except David. (David It would have been prefect had you and Rahel been there.
16. What song will remind you of 2009?
While my Guitar Gently Weeps and Dear Prudence by The Beatles, Firefly by Owl City, I want you too by Weezer, and My Winter Song Sara Bareilles.
17. Compared to last year, are you: much happier, much nicer, or richer?
I am happier… maybe the others will come next year…
18. What do you wish you had done more of?
Hiking and being with Steven.
19. What do you wish you had done less of?
Worrying and Cleaning when I should be spending time with Steven. My OCD gets the better of me a lot of time. I wish I could turn it off.
20. Did you fall in love this year?
I fall more in love with Steven every day we spend together.
21. What was your favorite television program of 2009?
The Biggest Loser, So You Think You Can Dance, The Big Bang Theory, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, True Blood, Hero’s, Taking the Stage, I think that covers it.
22. What was the best book you read this year?
Water for Elephants, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, The Time Travelers Wife, The City of Ashes Series, Catching Fire, The Vampire Diaries Series.
23. What was your greatest musical discovery this year?
MAE! Thanks Bre for introducing me to one of the best bands EVER!
24. What did you want and get this year?
See Steven more, Go hiking this summer, get into Nursing school, finish all of the crafts that I have in my mind, and take Zoey on more walks.
25. What was the best movie you saw this year?
500 days of summer, blindside, and Whip it.
26. What did you do for your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 23 and I had to go to open Lab for Anatomy.
27. What would have made your year more satisfying?
I would have loved to be with all of my siblings at the same time.
28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?
Flip Flops, Jeans or shorts, T-Shirts with Tanks underneath them, hoodies and pea coats.
29. What kept you sane this year?
Steven he is amazing
30. What celebrity did you fancy most this year? I don’t know… Ellen Page? She cracks me up and I love that she doesn’t conform to Hollywood, she makes Hollywood conform to her.
31. Who did you miss this year?
Steven and My Brothers
32. Who were the best new people you met this year?
Meg and Brian Wilson, They are Freaking Awesome!!!
33. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned this year?
When I get a prompting to say something just spit it out instead of waiting and waiting and waiting like I normally do.
GoodBye 2009 Hello 2010
I learned to cook more than just insta-pasta. I actually have become very fond of cooking. This is all thanks to Jenny, she was patient with me and my phobia of cooking. I also have started to bargain shop (also thanks to Jenny.) Now if any of my family is reading this sit down. I have also started to craft, without being forced too, and enjoy meandering though craft stores. I still laugh at some of the crafts because I find them completely ridiculous, I am a work in progress.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions and will you make more for 2010? I don’t make resolutions, I have never seen the point. If I want to change something in my life I will change it no matter when the date is.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?My Sister in Law Jill had her 5th baby boy this year. Two of my neighbors have had baby boys this year. And My Sister in Law Lisa is also having a Baby Boy in May.
4. Did anyone close to die in 2009? My Friend Joe…
5. What countries did you visit this year?
Sadly none. Hopefully in the years to come Steven and I will become avid world traveler’s.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
I really really really want to get into nursing school.
7. What day will be etched in your memory and why?
Christmas this year, Jared, Chris, Steven and I went sledding down my parent’s back yard at 1:30 in the morning. It was awesome! Jared built a louse, he built a ramp at the top he put a turn in it and also spent many hours icing it to perfection. We accidentally woke my dad up because we were being too loud. And on Christmas night we had a relay going down it, consisting of Mike, Jon, Jared, Chris, Steven, Jaron (my sweet eight year old nephew) and myself. It was a riot.
8. What was your biggest struggle this year?
This may sound super lame, but not being able to spend a lot of time with Steven. This last semester I work 3p-1130p Mon-Thur. and Steven works 8a-6p Mon-Fri and every other Sat. 8-12. It seriously felt like we never ever saw each other. Oh and you can’t forget my stealer immune system. I was sick a lot this year, may I have better luck this year.
9. What was your biggest achievement this year?
Learning how to Cook.
10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009?
I have had bronchitis three or four times, tonsillitis three times, multiple sinus infections, ovarian cysts galore, oral surgery to remove a nasty abscess. Acute pneumonia. I am pretty sure I contracted H1N1, but never got tested because I didn’t want to have to take a week off work. Honestly I know that isn’t it, but I can’t remember…
11. What was the best thing you bought this year?
The Subaru, I LOVE MY CAR!!!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?My niece Kenzy, she is a lot like me, she looks like me, she talks like me, and she acts like me, but I am happy to report that she isn’t following the same road I took while I was her age. I have worried for years that she would face many of my same demons, but luckily she is smarter than I was and is making better choices than I made.
13. Whose behavior disappointed you?
Myself, I have a lot of imperfections that I am attempting to work on.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Our Mortgage, Tools, and the Car.
15. What did you get really excited about this year?
Going hiking with Steven during the summer. Going to my Parents for Christmas and getting to see all of my siblings except David. (David It would have been prefect had you and Rahel been there.
16. What song will remind you of 2009?
While my Guitar Gently Weeps and Dear Prudence by The Beatles, Firefly by Owl City, I want you too by Weezer, and My Winter Song Sara Bareilles.
17. Compared to last year, are you: much happier, much nicer, or richer?
I am happier… maybe the others will come next year…
18. What do you wish you had done more of?
Hiking and being with Steven.
19. What do you wish you had done less of?
Worrying and Cleaning when I should be spending time with Steven. My OCD gets the better of me a lot of time. I wish I could turn it off.
20. Did you fall in love this year?
I fall more in love with Steven every day we spend together.
21. What was your favorite television program of 2009?
The Biggest Loser, So You Think You Can Dance, The Big Bang Theory, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, True Blood, Hero’s, Taking the Stage, I think that covers it.
22. What was the best book you read this year?
Water for Elephants, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, The Time Travelers Wife, The City of Ashes Series, Catching Fire, The Vampire Diaries Series.
23. What was your greatest musical discovery this year?
MAE! Thanks Bre for introducing me to one of the best bands EVER!
24. What did you want and get this year?
See Steven more, Go hiking this summer, get into Nursing school, finish all of the crafts that I have in my mind, and take Zoey on more walks.
25. What was the best movie you saw this year?
500 days of summer, blindside, and Whip it.
26. What did you do for your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 23 and I had to go to open Lab for Anatomy.
27. What would have made your year more satisfying?
I would have loved to be with all of my siblings at the same time.
28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?
Flip Flops, Jeans or shorts, T-Shirts with Tanks underneath them, hoodies and pea coats.
29. What kept you sane this year?
Steven he is amazing
30. What celebrity did you fancy most this year? I don’t know… Ellen Page? She cracks me up and I love that she doesn’t conform to Hollywood, she makes Hollywood conform to her.
31. Who did you miss this year?
Steven and My Brothers
32. Who were the best new people you met this year?
Meg and Brian Wilson, They are Freaking Awesome!!!
33. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned this year?
When I get a prompting to say something just spit it out instead of waiting and waiting and waiting like I normally do.
GoodBye 2009 Hello 2010
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