Friday, April 2, 2010

Seriously!

Have you ever been on the verge of a serious mental breakdown? Well I am well on my way! I guess while I am freaking out I should share why I am so stupefied and horrified at this very moment! The story starts a long time ago..... let go back 11 years to Girls Camp.... I HATED girls camp! not for the typical reasons, I loved to hike and camp and play outside, however at the time I could have cared less about become spiritually fit and combining spirituality and outdoors was a complete conundrum for me. Hiking+Outdoors=LOVE! Spiritual+Crafts=HATE!

As I have grown up I found my way back to Jesus, at least that is what I tell people when they ask why I don't drink, Well because I found Jesus! People don't ask again after you throw Jesus in there. Any who about a year ago I was talking to a lady in our ward and she asked me if I would be interested in being a nurse at girls camp. I told her that I would love to help and I let her know that I wasn't yet a nurse but I have had quite a lot of experience in the health care field. I left it at the and honestly thought very little about our chat.

About 6 weeks ago Steven got a call from somebody in the stake that we had never heard of and asked if we could meet with him... okay that's strange we thought but we had him over, mostly because I thought Steven was getting a new calling.... Boy was I wrong! Well karma is a well you know what and he called me to be on the stake committee for girls camp. At the time I was super excited! While I am still excited I am terribly nervous! In fact I'm so depressed that all I want is to camp out in my bed and read bad science fiction romances until my eyelids bleed..... okay maybe I am completely over exaggerating, but Seriously! The Shining light in the tunnels is that I am assigned to being the Hike Specialist in the Stake.

Tonight the Sweet and Totally Awesome Lady that is in charge of this whole undertaking came to my home and explained what my assignment was. After she was all said and done I was feeling pretty good, I could handle this, until she mentioned how awesome last years hike specialist was. This woman is nothing short of amazing, she had each parent write a letter to their daughters and she gave them out to them on the various hikes. Our stake had around 200 girls! Holy Crap! Hearing this I took a hard hit on my self esteem. I am not freaking amazing like the last girl! What can these girls learn from me? I am just a misfit! Seriously! I only went to two girls camps and that because my mom forced me the second year.... I look at my life and wonder what the heck the lord is thinking!?!

I am even more restless about this because some of the awesome boys that we used to teach have chosen a rough path and I can't help but feeling personally responsible. I realize that they have their own agency and I expressed that they needed to exercise their free agency and make their own choices. But when that they found out that I didn't lead the "ideal" life style before coming back to the church they shared with me all of the current choices that they were making in their lives at the time. I listened to them and told them while I didn't support what they were doing that I loved them and Steven and I would always be there for them. To this day when we hear from them I am competely elated, I however feel a heartbreaking pain when I hear what some of them are up too. I don't judge them at all! I love those boys! But I do however judge myself for not being what they needed me to be. My fear is that I will not be what I need to be for these girls....

As I sit here I need your help! I need ideas about how to help these girls! I want them to have a great girls camp, but I feel like I am completely and 100% under qualified!

Sorry my post is super depressing! I just had to vent and hoped creativity would follow, so far no luck!

6 comments:

The Driaza Jrs. said...

Oh Kari! If it makes you feel better...I STILL feel under qualified to be in YW. Plus I have a past too. You are going to do great! I'm excited you'll be there! If you need anything help, let me know! I'm just upstairs. PS. I think it's great the boys turned to you. That means they were comfortable to share things with you.

Jenny said...

You are going to be awesome!!! Call me!!! I loved girls camp as a teen and I was camp director for a few years. Its not that bad you will do great.

I miss you something fierce!!!!

Kyle and Ashlie said...

Oh Kari...you are making this way too hard for yourself! I'll admit that last year when they called me to be camp director I was sick to my stomach about all the responsibility that involved but it wasn't as stressful as I thought. You are going to be amazing at the calling! Last year she was great you are right but don't for a second think that you aren't just as great or better! Besides I'll be there with ya! As far as the letters that isn't too hard, each wards director was in charge of getting the letters from parents and just gave them to her, no big deal! Just in case you want it and have questions her name is Rachel Gardner 801-319-2883, rachelgamble23@hotmail. Oh and I have a copy of the overnight hike check list for last year if you want it.

Jes said...

You will do a great job! It is a LOT of work but really fun though, plus the girls will love you as a leader because you are young and cool...need I go on?!

lexa Jean said...

I wish I could come with you!

One thing I want to let you know. Yeah it's cool that the last leader did get those letters for each daughter, however.. You'll bring something differnt. Something the girls [must] need from you, and you only. And you don't have to go all out either, Sometimes the more simple, the more they learn, don't stress. The Lord knows what he's doing :) Your amazing.. and just by reading that... I think 100% qualified for the job!

I miss you guys... Sorry I know i'm not really "old enough to know what i'm talking about.." but I know with the years I went to girls camp, I learned more by the spirit.. where those letters may have been inspiration for her, he'll inspire you with something the girls will need this year. Something better! :)

Amber Ada Reimann Burns said...

You have a great sense of humor! It was fun to read this blog. If only all YW leaders could have your sense of humor...I imagine even your youthful self would've enjoyed camp a little more. Keep that in mind as you prepare for the hikes. Besides I don't think every girls camp moment has to be a spiritual high, some of them can just be fun! The girls might need that kind of an outlet. And you can definitely supply fun.