Friday, April 2, 2010


Have you ever been on the verge of a serious mental breakdown? Well I am well on my way! I guess while I am freaking out I should share why I am so stupefied and horrified at this very moment! The story starts a long time ago..... let go back 11 years to Girls Camp.... I HATED girls camp! not for the typical reasons, I loved to hike and camp and play outside, however at the time I could have cared less about become spiritually fit and combining spirituality and outdoors was a complete conundrum for me. Hiking+Outdoors=LOVE! Spiritual+Crafts=HATE!

As I have grown up I found my way back to Jesus, at least that is what I tell people when they ask why I don't drink, Well because I found Jesus! People don't ask again after you throw Jesus in there. Any who about a year ago I was talking to a lady in our ward and she asked me if I would be interested in being a nurse at girls camp. I told her that I would love to help and I let her know that I wasn't yet a nurse but I have had quite a lot of experience in the health care field. I left it at the and honestly thought very little about our chat.

About 6 weeks ago Steven got a call from somebody in the stake that we had never heard of and asked if we could meet with him... okay that's strange we thought but we had him over, mostly because I thought Steven was getting a new calling.... Boy was I wrong! Well karma is a well you know what and he called me to be on the stake committee for girls camp. At the time I was super excited! While I am still excited I am terribly nervous! In fact I'm so depressed that all I want is to camp out in my bed and read bad science fiction romances until my eyelids bleed..... okay maybe I am completely over exaggerating, but Seriously! The Shining light in the tunnels is that I am assigned to being the Hike Specialist in the Stake.

Tonight the Sweet and Totally Awesome Lady that is in charge of this whole undertaking came to my home and explained what my assignment was. After she was all said and done I was feeling pretty good, I could handle this, until she mentioned how awesome last years hike specialist was. This woman is nothing short of amazing, she had each parent write a letter to their daughters and she gave them out to them on the various hikes. Our stake had around 200 girls! Holy Crap! Hearing this I took a hard hit on my self esteem. I am not freaking amazing like the last girl! What can these girls learn from me? I am just a misfit! Seriously! I only went to two girls camps and that because my mom forced me the second year.... I look at my life and wonder what the heck the lord is thinking!?!

I am even more restless about this because some of the awesome boys that we used to teach have chosen a rough path and I can't help but feeling personally responsible. I realize that they have their own agency and I expressed that they needed to exercise their free agency and make their own choices. But when that they found out that I didn't lead the "ideal" life style before coming back to the church they shared with me all of the current choices that they were making in their lives at the time. I listened to them and told them while I didn't support what they were doing that I loved them and Steven and I would always be there for them. To this day when we hear from them I am competely elated, I however feel a heartbreaking pain when I hear what some of them are up too. I don't judge them at all! I love those boys! But I do however judge myself for not being what they needed me to be. My fear is that I will not be what I need to be for these girls....

As I sit here I need your help! I need ideas about how to help these girls! I want them to have a great girls camp, but I feel like I am completely and 100% under qualified!

Sorry my post is super depressing! I just had to vent and hoped creativity would follow, so far no luck!

Friday, January 8, 2010


1. What did you do in 2009 that you have never done before?

I learned to cook more than just insta-pasta. I actually have become very fond of cooking. This is all thanks to Jenny, she was patient with me and my phobia of cooking. I also have started to bargain shop (also thanks to Jenny.) Now if any of my family is reading this sit down. I have also started to craft, without being forced too, and enjoy meandering though craft stores. I still laugh at some of the crafts because I find them completely ridiculous, I am a work in progress.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions and will you make more for 2010? I don’t make resolutions, I have never seen the point. If I want to change something in my life I will change it no matter when the date is.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?My Sister in Law Jill had her 5th baby boy this year. Two of my neighbors have had baby boys this year. And My Sister in Law Lisa is also having a Baby Boy in May.

4. Did anyone close to die in 2009? My Friend Joe…

5. What countries did you visit this year?

Sadly none. Hopefully in the years to come Steven and I will become avid world traveler’s.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I really really really want to get into nursing school.

7. What day will be etched in your memory and why?

Christmas this year, Jared, Chris, Steven and I went sledding down my parent’s back yard at 1:30 in the morning. It was awesome! Jared built a louse, he built a ramp at the top he put a turn in it and also spent many hours icing it to perfection. We accidentally woke my dad up because we were being too loud. And on Christmas night we had a relay going down it, consisting of Mike, Jon, Jared, Chris, Steven, Jaron (my sweet eight year old nephew) and myself. It was a riot.

8. What was your biggest struggle this year?

This may sound super lame, but not being able to spend a lot of time with Steven. This last semester I work 3p-1130p Mon-Thur. and Steven works 8a-6p Mon-Fri and every other Sat. 8-12. It seriously felt like we never ever saw each other. Oh and you can’t forget my stealer immune system. I was sick a lot this year, may I have better luck this year.

9. What was your biggest achievement this year?

Learning how to Cook.

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009?

I have had bronchitis three or four times, tonsillitis three times, multiple sinus infections, ovarian cysts galore, oral surgery to remove a nasty abscess. Acute pneumonia. I am pretty sure I contracted H1N1, but never got tested because I didn’t want to have to take a week off work. Honestly I know that isn’t it, but I can’t remember…

11. What was the best thing you bought this year?

The Subaru, I LOVE MY CAR!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?My niece Kenzy, she is a lot like me, she looks like me, she talks like me, and she acts like me, but I am happy to report that she isn’t following the same road I took while I was her age. I have worried for years that she would face many of my same demons, but luckily she is smarter than I was and is making better choices than I made.

13. Whose behavior disappointed you?

Myself, I have a lot of imperfections that I am attempting to work on.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Our Mortgage, Tools, and the Car.

15. What did you get really excited about this year?

Going hiking with Steven during the summer. Going to my Parents for Christmas and getting to see all of my siblings except David. (David It would have been prefect had you and Rahel been there.

16. What song will remind you of 2009?

While my Guitar Gently Weeps and Dear Prudence by The Beatles, Firefly by Owl City, I want you too by Weezer, and My Winter Song Sara Bareilles.

17. Compared to last year, are you: much happier, much nicer, or richer?

I am happier… maybe the others will come next year…

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Hiking and being with Steven.

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Worrying and Cleaning when I should be spending time with Steven. My OCD gets the better of me a lot of time. I wish I could turn it off.

20. Did you fall in love this year?

I fall more in love with Steven every day we spend together.

21. What was your favorite television program of 2009?

The Biggest Loser, So You Think You Can Dance, The Big Bang Theory, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, True Blood, Hero’s, Taking the Stage, I think that covers it.

22. What was the best book you read this year?

Water for Elephants, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, The Time Travelers Wife, The City of Ashes Series, Catching Fire, The Vampire Diaries Series.

23. What was your greatest musical discovery this year?

MAE! Thanks Bre for introducing me to one of the best bands EVER!

24. What did you want and get this year?

See Steven more, Go hiking this summer, get into Nursing school, finish all of the crafts that I have in my mind, and take Zoey on more walks.

25. What was the best movie you saw this year?

500 days of summer, blindside, and Whip it.

26. What did you do for your birthday and how old did you turn?

I turned 23 and I had to go to open Lab for Anatomy.

27. What would have made your year more satisfying?

I would have loved to be with all of my siblings at the same time.

28. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?

Flip Flops, Jeans or shorts, T-Shirts with Tanks underneath them, hoodies and pea coats.

29. What kept you sane this year?

Steven he is amazing

30. What celebrity did you fancy most this year? I don’t know… Ellen Page? She cracks me up and I love that she doesn’t conform to Hollywood, she makes Hollywood conform to her.

31. Who did you miss this year?

Steven and My Brothers
32. Who were the best new people you met this year?

Meg and Brian Wilson, They are Freaking Awesome!!!

33. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned this year?

When I get a prompting to say something just spit it out instead of waiting and waiting and waiting like I normally do.

GoodBye 2009 Hello 2010

Thursday, December 17, 2009

So You Think You Can Dance.... and then some....

I love love love So You Think You Can Dance! I have watched this show since its founding 6 seasons ago. I was thrilled that Russell won! I thought that surely Jacob had it in the bag because technically he is amazing, he has such grace it confounds me. BUT Russell was the underdog that just kept fighting and fighting and while he fought he became an amazing dancer. I couldn't be more excited about America choice!

Other happy news I am finished with Anatomy, I won't find out for sure until Friday what my grade is but I have a solid 88% in the class, so maybe just maybe I can pull an A-.

I have all of next week off work so I can get ready for Christmas. I am so excited to go home to Parowan (never thought I would say that) for Christmas. We haven't spent Christmas with my family since well ever; this is my first Christmas with my family with Steven! So it has been four years since I have been with my family on Christmas. The only sad part is my brother David and his awesome wife Rahel live in Switzerland and due to her schooling and other factors they are not able to come spend the holidays with us. I come from a really big family! I am the youngest of 7 children. It is really difficult to get us all together at the same time. In fact the last time that we were all together was when my brother Jared came home from his mission. (Just so you know Jared’s oldest child is eight.) I love and adore my family but because we live all over and all have demanding schedules it is rather impossible to get all together all at the same time.

Oh and one last thing that I am completely thankful for: Old Navy or Neo Nazi (that one’s for you Chris) I love that they have ridiculous sales and basically give away really cute clothes and PJ’s.

Happy Christmas: I used to write this on all of my siblings Christmas presents after wrapping them for my mom oh and I used to use two different kinds of wrapping paper because I thought I was being creative, instead of being GHETTO.

Happy Christmas and Merry New Year

I am such a nerd….

Monday, December 7, 2009


Today 3 years ago I married my best friend! It has been a Vivacious three years! We have stayed way too busy between moving here and there, work, school, family, friends, and church.
I am so grateful to be with Steven, I love you with all my heart. I know that being married to Steven makes me a better person. I know that it isn’t often that you find your soul mate, but luckily for us we found each other.

Smelly, thanks for a wonderful three years; I just want the rest of our forever to be as splendid.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I am Thankful for Anatomy....never thought I would say that

Today in Anatomy I learned about fetal sex development. After hearing this Lecture I feel completely blessed. This may sound funny but I do. It completely amazes me that we all don't all come out looking like Ursula. I'm thankful that I never questioned my gender. Also I am thankful that my mom didn't take testosterone supplements while I was in her womb... That leads to a whole crap load of problems. From Now on whenever I feel bad for myself and think I hate my life. I am going to think about those poor people who have a XX chromosome, but have XY junk, but identify with the XX chromosome. In tribute to Thanksgiving, I would like to thank heavenly father for not giving me a trial that involved gender confusion.

Other things going on, I have decided to not get the H1N1 vaccine.

We bought a new Xbox 360, and Tony Hawk: Ride. Seriously I don't need a Wii fit, I have this game. For the first time ever I talked Steven into buying a Video Game!

I have never thought of myself as a crafty person, but I find myself looking at crafty sites and wanting to refinish furniture and making retro hats and headbands.

If you had told me 5 years ago that I would enjoy cooking, decorating my house, (even if most of it is Steven's art) and wanting to make retro headbands. I would have told you that you had the wrong girl and that you were up in the night. WOW what I have learned from this.... NEVER say NEVER!

Oh and other great news, I got a solid B on my last Anatomy test! Plus I only studied for 4 hours tops. Thank you my dear friend on YouTube that took way too much time to create those videos about the brain. I actually understood the material, and somehow still remember it.

Well I am on thank-you’s I would personally like to thank whoever created this site has provided me with so much JOY I just cannot contain it! P.S. If you do not have a strong stomach just avoid this site.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

50 things on my mind at almost 4 in the morning

So here I sit, it is 3 am, and I can't sleep.... So I am going to post... Because of the time I am going to post my thoughts in single sentences.

1. I hate it when I am tired but I can't sleep.
2. I am really hungry, but nothing sounds good.
3. I put up my Christmas tree yesterday; I forgot how much I like my tree.
4. One of my good friends gave me some beautiful Christmas ornaments.
5. They are the only ornaments that I own.
6. I am still working on liking Christmas.
7. I know what you are thinking... It is true... promise... just ask Steven... I don't like Christmas but I am trying, because I love him.
8. I just want this semester to end.
9. We went shooting Thanksgiving morning.
10. I really like shooting, and I always forget how much I like until I get out there and spatter a pigeon.
11. I miss my family.
12. I guess I should call them more and make more of an effort.
13. But then again we are the type of family that calls when we have big news and sometimes on holidays.
14. I am glad that I am almost done Christmas shopping.
15. I hate those crazy holiday shoppers... one of the many reasons that I dislike Christmas.
16. Don't judge me Christ was born in April...
17. Starting in 2010 we will be teaching in the senior Primary.
18. I don't know how I feel about it.
19. I still haven't decided what I want to work next semester.
20. I keep asking Steven what I should work, because I can't decide.
21. Steven's Xbox 360 has the ring of death, again..
22. I thought that I wanted a wii.
23. Then I realized that I wouldn't have time to play it.
24. Killed that idea really quick.
25. I could sit and stare at Steven's paintings all day.
26. I wish it would snow.
27. I LOVE the SNOW.
28. I can't believe that I have almost been married for 3 years.
29. I learned how to curl my hair using a straightener yesterday.
30. It was quite the adventure...
31. I really should just take a sleeping pill.
32. I thought blogging would help my sleep respecters take over.
33. I wish I could clean this late, but that would be noisy and wake up my neighbors.
34. It is still weird to me when my friends from high school have kids.
35. I still feel like I am a child myself, but they are all grown up and have babies.
36. I wish I were more of a sensitive person.
37. I like it when Zoey sleeps in the bed with us.
38. She is a very good heater.
39. Almost all of my TV shows that I TiVo are sucking more and more. Thanks to So You Think You and Dance and The Biggest Loser, for making TV bearable for me.
40. What to do on Dec 4-7th? Hmm...
41. I finally finished my Reimann Family book.
42. I couldn't do the ugly pages, I tired, but I just couldn't.
43. My friend at work (Chase) told me that my pages were too dark.
44. I told him that I like the dark, maybe that’s why I am wide awake at 3:37 in the morning.
45. My other friends liked them...
46. But I am kind of dark and twisty...
47. I would rather be cold than hot or even warm except in the car I like to be warm in the car.
48. What to snack on.. Conundrum.
49. I love that word. Say it Conundrum, it is fantastic.
50. I think that I am done, well at least for tonight.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Who knew that a $2.00 product could make me so happy.

Saturday Night I had the greatest thought ever; Steven and I tried desperately to get all the BLACK hair spray dye out of my long locks. While we were in the process of trying to cleanse my hair, my hair was in the process of dying my shower and all of its contents black. I was under the notion that this dye would wash nicely out of my blond hair and go right down the drain without further complaint, sadly I was completely wrong!!! While I was sulking about pouting still in the shower, the thought came to me, just have Steven bring you the magic eraser you bought last weekend that should do the trick… Well it sure did, my tub is clean as a whistle and then after I was finished scrubbing my tub another brilliant thought came to me, you should just leave the magic eraser in the tub, so that after you are done showering every night you can wipe down your tub. Happy Day, I no longer have to battle with the grease Steven brings home, I can get rid of it every night, HAHA I knew that I would find a way to bet the grease, I always do, I just have to think on it sometimes… This new thought was even better than separating Stevens work under-rues from the rest of our laundry. Happy Freaking Day!!

One Last Thing, Steven is the greatest ever; I came home tonight to find the laundry and dishes done, two of my least favorite tasks. Stinky I love you soo soo soo much, there are not words to tell you how much you mean to me and to express my complete gratitude for you and all that you do! I LOVE YOU!!!